Exercise for my Heart

I have struggled with my weight almost my entire life.  I have lost and gained weight over and over.   I haven’t lost  just a few pounds but 50, 60, even 75 pounds on every diet and program possible.  I feel I am a master looser, but I can not figure out how to keep weight off.   I know the key is exercise  I just haven’t figured out what kind or how much.

I must admit I have hated exercise all my life.  No matter my size,  exercise sucked.  Exercise is like torture to  me.  I have tried it all from a to z: aerobics, ballet, running, weight training, yoga, walking, Pilates, and step training.   I have joined clubs, take classes, done videos at home, had personal trainers, worked with nutritionists and made commitments with friends.  Yet I am still here blogging about my struggle.   I have never made that lifetime connection with exercise.      I do it because it is good for me, not because I like it.  I have yet to experience that exercise high the people talk about.   No, I don’t feel better for having exercised.  Maybe if I wasn’t so large, I would experience all those things with exercise, but in the present I don’t period.

I have to believe what I am doing is making a difference, my blood pressure is low, my glucose is great, my bad blood lipids are normal, and my good cholesterol is very good.  In spite of this all keep thinking about how hard my heart is working.  All the extra pumping that it has to do to move blood around my body can’t be good for that heart of mine.  I need to keep exercising and searching for that combination that will work for me, physically and psychologically, because my heart deserves more.

My treadmill died after nearly 15 years, and I got a new one on Craig’s list.   I was at the thrift store and got a Nordic Track Skier for less than $20.  I pick big harry goals to keep me on the exercise routine.   I want a new better personal best.  I want to say I did 10,000 steps for so many days in a row.   I am always on the look out for a better combination and balance of exercises and routines. So in spite of hating exercise I keep getting back on that bucking horse.  I know some day I will find one that loves me and I love.

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